Why Couples Gain Weight and How to Reverse it

Ah, the bliss of a romantic match. That nerve-wracking first date led to a second…and a third! Now you’re officially a couple, you’ve met each other’s families and the future looks bright. You’ve met your person, love is in the air and, wait, have you both gained a few pounds?  

Or maybe you’re approaching a milestone anniversary and as you take stock of your beautiful relationship and flip back through old pictures, you notice something. Ten or fifteen somethings, parked right around your middle. And you’re not the only one. Your sweetie is looking a little less svelte than when you met, too. How the heck did this happen? Can it be reversed?

Men’s Health magazine reports that, on average, couples gain about 17 pounds ‘within one year of finding love.’ Another statistic tells us that married women in their early 20s gain an average of 24 pounds in the first five years of marriage. Men in the same age group gain an average of 30 pounds. In some ways, it makes sense. When we are in the exciting throes of a new, happy relationship, our behavior and focus shifts to the person we’re smitten with. We want to bond with them. 

That may involve:

Exercising less. It can be tempting to skip out on your usual exercise routine and hang out with your boo instead of waking up early for your usual 5:30 a.m. run or your after-work spin class. So you’re not burning those 500 extra calories, and it’s much easier to gain weight when your physical activity decreases.  

Bigger portions. Maybe one partner has a larger appetite than the other. Women who are in relationships with men may find themselves inadvertently eating ‘man-sized’ portions.  

Couch time. Settling in for a Friday night movie, enjoying a weekend Succession binge or gathering with friends to watch the game are all loads of fun, but inactivity isn’t the best tactic if you want to trim down.  

Eating decisions. Couples tend to eat most of their meals together. If one person is craving a pizza, and the other person had planned to have a salad, pizza is likely to win. Partner influence is a significant factor in post-marital or long-term relationship weight gain.  

More alcohol. Socializing, whether at home or when you’re out and about, can (and frequently does) involve alcohol. A glass of wine at an art opening, a beer at a ballgame or a martini at home on a Friday night can add hundreds of empty calories to your week. 

Less pressure to look your best. When you’re ‘on the market,’ looking your very best is a high priority. Staying slim, putting your best fashion foot forward and so on are top of mind when we are single and ready to mingle. That may carry forward into the early stages of a relationship, but over time the happiness and security of your relationship can reduce the feeling of pressure around keeping your partner’s attention based on the way you look. Especially after a couple gets married. 

Eating at restaurants more often. Dating and eating go hand in hand. Brunch dates, lunch dates, happy hour, dinner dates…all of them come with restaurant-sized portions and food designed to be as palatable as possible which can mean cream sauces, butter, fried foods and, for example, molten chocolate cake topped with ice cream.  

You want to know another great way couples can bond? By taking care of their health and fitness together. Setting weight loss or workout goals and working together to achieve them is a great, extremely satisfying way to stay connected, and to keep your relationship (and the people in it) feeling their best. 

Here are some ways to strengthen your coupledom while also shedding your ‘relationship pounds:’ 

Change your date nights. Rather than centering the date around a meal out, try new (or favorite) activities together. Rollerblade in the park. Learn to play pickleball. Train for a 5K together. You get the idea. If these sound like too much, stroll around the zoo or a museum. Got a pooch? That’s a great reason to go for a walk. 

Practice good sleep hygiene. Sleep and healthy weight are related. From Harvard: Insufficient sleep is associated with higher levels of the hormone ghrelin, which increases appetite, and lower levels of the hormone leptin, which leads to feeling less full. This sets people up to gain weight.  

Make a meal plan each week. This doesn’t mean you can never go on a dinner date again. Plan which days you’ll go out to dinner and where. Are you planning a big steak meal on Thursday? Make grain bowls or a big salad for dinner on Wednesday. Maybe you designate nights that each of you plans the menu and you cook together. 

Grocery shop together. You’ve planned the week in terms of when to go out and when to stay in, now kick it up a notch, search a few healthy recipes and head out to grab what you need to prepare that gorgeous healthy meal. Be sure to park way out in the parking lot so you get a few extra steps in the process.  

Exercise. Join a gym together and go. Working out together can be fun and very motivating. You don’t have to do the same workout as your partner. If you feel like cardio and they feel like a strength workout, go together and do your own thing! 

Be supportive. There’s a fine line between being someone’s cheerleader and being the bad cop. Nobody eats healthy all the time, so don’t scrutinize your partner’s every mouthful. Alert one another if you feel a binge coming on, or if the office vending machine starts calling your name. 

Cheat…together. Cheat meals can be a healthy part of a diet. If you know you’re going to enjoy a plate of French fries on Friday, you may feel less restricted by your veggies and salmon on Monday. Remember when we talked about scheduling dine-out dates and dine-home dates? Make the dine-out night your cheat meal – together.